


the soulmate we deserve

by nuestinsync



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Childhood Friends, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Self Sacrifice, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, knife warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:29:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuestinsync/pseuds/nuestinsync
Summary: love's hard. especially when the universe is telling you that your best friend is the love of your life and said best friend is kind of fragile. these things take time to process... but maybe i already lost him between then and now? i mean, i wouldn't trust me if i were him... but we all accept the love we think we deserve.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

not long ago, the bombshell of their bond broke them, in laughable contrast to the apparent sealing of a connection on their twin skins. 

they had been at odds for months. mark, denying all his better feelings, would not committ to his friend. donghyuck, frustrated out of his mind, could not help himself, he drank and fucked the pain away. he was not proud of it, but feeling the pangs and aches of his bondmark, his estranged soulmate's strongest emotions, day in, day out... well, anyone would drown under that relentless distress. any person would eventually bow to the overwhelming need for comfort. and for an hour out of twenty four, donghyuck was _wanted_. 

in that hour, he could not feel the sting of the bondmark, buried in the warm bed of someone who was not his soulmate. maybe in the hours that he spent by the side of his friends, he could sense the tendrils of mark's ups and downs, tendrils of his being. but when someone like johnny opened his arms and his bed, not in pity, but because he believed no one he loved should suffer if he could help it, that was when donghyuck found oblivion. not only could he forget the echoes of the man he loved, but also, with desperation by his side, he could fleetingly escape the physical toll of his soulmate's distance. it was a culmination that had thrust him into the safe embrace of the one person he could trust with his heart. even if it was temporary - johnny would find someone, someday, of course. donghyuck's soul, that was not in his control. his heart, he could convince himself, was his to entrust.

the one with a part of his soul stood casually opposite him at the kitchen counter. this man, who would still not give him an answer. or he already had and donghyuck had discovered it to be unacceptable.

"just tell me! where? where have you been? what could possibly have- what could possibly be more important right now?"

"please, donghyuck. like i already _said_ , today is just not a good time."

"it's been MONTHS. i'm TIRED. and you stand there, looking at me with that face that's not even your face, i don't even know if it's you i'm talking to. my best friend. the person i actually trust and know and LOVE. maybe i'm just talking to a wall. that would be my bad, i think. that would be my mistake."

"you know what, this isn't working out -"

donghyuck had ended up standing in the kitchen, resolve steely. he grabbed a knife behind him, as fast as the pounce of any predator, and ripped his shirt up with the force of his other hand. he angled the blade over his bondmark.

"so, former best friend... you don't have to worry anymore. i'm sure you'll be very pleased to get back to the past you're so heartbroken over losing - because of me! oh wait, scratch that, it'll be missing your best friend - but i'm sensing that trade off wouldn't be distasteful to you?"


	2. Chapter 2

that beautiful bondmark, he thought, fixating on its whorls. that two-of-a-kind mark would be gone forever. a couple of slashes would do the job. of course, it was not until this fate hovered millimetres away in the form of a seductively sharp object that mark's repression was finally undone. it was over. even if this was the way donghyuck wanted it to go, even if he had come to this conclusion an hour after mark had rejected him, this was what he knew: he must fight that fate and find a way. immediately. he would not let anyone mutilate themselves but more viscerally, he would not see his _soulmate_ tear out the one thing that had taunted him invisibly all this time. watching that symbol now, during this incredible, frozen moment, he accepted it and he chose it. because he chose donghyuck and he could never go back and not choose donghyuck. there was no refusing donghyuck, that was it. 

this stunning, terrified, terrifying man whose violence braced itself over his own torso. 

"please. don't. i don't want you to." those words, if he believed them enough, could they disarm donghyuck's right hand? this is what he prayed with bated breath. 

"why not? really. why not?" 

it was the same tone again. 

"i'm not losing my best friend. and i'm not losing my soulmate. put the knife down. you don't want to- don't make me watch something like that. you'll regret it, i know you will. do it for me, if you still don't believe me." 

it was a few silent minutes before donghyuck's shaking hand lowered the knife. mark slowly took it from him and placed it further than it had been originally. when he turned back, donghyuck only looked at the wall behind him. in sharp contrast to earlier, he was slouching, slightly shivering, and a little wobbly on his legs. mark took his hand firmly and guided him to sit down on the sofa. how he knew that there would be no shoving or shrugging off, he could not explain. 

"you deserved an answer a long time ago, hyuck," mark breathed out into their silence. still, donghyuck, shirt barely down his front now, did not look up at him, did not even blink. 

"the truth is, i didn't want to love you. i didn't want to romantically love you. and the universe telling us that, that that's it, this is the one for you... it just messed with me. i didn't understand the joke. and, yes i knew that you cared for me, as my friend, my closest friend, and you would make it work, but i guess- i guess i didn't want you to be obligated to do that. i wanted to hang onto the chance that- well, i don't know. i was stupid. i wanted to pretend like it didn't exist for us. why would i want to throw our friendship, what i tried so hard- to just throw it into the fire? it doesn't excuse what i did, i know. just, let me say that i don't reject _you_ , hyuck. i should never have effectively done that. i'm your best friend but i'm also the man who fell in love with you before these bondmarks. and suddenly, i could see all the time i wasted and i could see you _settling_ for me." he carried on, quicker now. 

"look at me, please." 

and donghyuck looked. 

mark's lips tugged up in a wry smile. 

"you never listen to me." 

donghyuck opened his mouth, seconds passed, and he closed it again. 

"um, i'll just- i'll finish what i need to explain."


	3. Chapter 3

mark clasped his hands together tighter, something that could ground him in the moment and prevent him from messing up even one single word. 

"you already know about my parents. you were there, you saw how the end of their marriage was, hyuck. sometimes, it doesn't matter if you're soulmates. you can still _leave_ eachother. i guess when you told me about your soulmark, i guess i just thought, it's closed off one door. that i might one day make you love me the way i love you. and, and now, you'll convince me you could be with me, i'll give into you because i do, and somewhere along the line, we'll fail. i'll fail. just like they did. they thought it was the best thing to do." he grabbed donghyuck's left hand, a rush of courage shot through him and somehow, his muscles moved too. he attempted a light smile. 

"they got _me_ out of it. they don't regret it. but i... well, i won't saddle you with me like this if i can help it. i'll... _woo_ you," he smiled a bit wider this time, "if that's okay with you, and you can decide later. i'm not going to let this bondmark fuck us up one way or the other way. there has to be some balance we can find." 

"so please. tell me that i'm not too late." 

there would be no minutes to count of silence this time. donghyuck gazed into his eyes for some time, in a daze that mark could only draw hope from or he would go insane. 

"i feel like an idiot. how did i not know. how did i not see that you might want me." donghyuck whispered the last words and stared down at their hands. even after swallowing loudly, the next words came out choked. 

"because i want you. i love you already. maybe you didn't fall in love first, maybe we fell in love together, and i feel like i don't deserve you." 

the hand in donghyuck's tightened exponentially and mark's tears were on their way to running down their overlapped fingers. 

"you love me... why? why can't we deserve each other? we're-we're soulmates." it felt right to say those words. it was the truth. with donghyuck's confession, it set him free and he would let no other words, spill out as they may, shackle him up again. 

"i just can't believe that you _want_ me. i wanted you to be my first and you're not. _i just-i just held up a knife to our bondmark_. what is _wrong_ with me!" as suddenly as it had stopped, donghyuck's body shook with fear again. 

mark reached for donghyuck's other hand like it was second nature. he wiped both their tears. he shushed his best friend and he smiled through it all. he told his love that nothing was wrong with him and if they were fucked up, they were fucked up together. simple as that. he denied every problem donghyuck summoned from his anxious mind. _they don't matter, hyuck. i promise_. 

"it doesn't matter to me, hyuck. i swear that it doesn't. and i'm going to love you. i'm going to show you all my love and you'll never have to question it. i promise to never make you wonder. you'll always know." 

those shoulders sagged with relief beneath mark. beneath him, relaxed and no longer shaking, arms with new-found energy tightened around his own. steady hands found the bondmarks on their bodies, beneath the layers of clothes, and rested them there, not to scratch them out and not to erase the message. they rested their hands on each other's chests and breathed easier. 

"i think we do deserve a soulmate. because i deserve you and you deserve me, and i hope you can feel it too. don't be ashamed of anything, hyuck. i know that you deserve me, just like i know i belong here. i belong here and you belong here."

"here," was all donghyuck uttered in response, hand pressing again on the mirrored spot, barely below mark's heart. 

and like their bondmarks, their smiles were twins.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i rushed this. but please let me know what kind of soulmate stuff you wanna see written/enjoyed the most!?
> 
> hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/nuestinsync#


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